"The Cantaloupe Tales"
“Well, yeah, I'm looking at all this food, I see all these vegetables, and I think, all these things came outta the ground. I see tomatoes, outta the ground, carrots, outta the ground, radishes outta the ground. And I think, all of these things come outta the ground. Read More
I have a new obsession! Extreme mountain climbing documentaries. They're riveting, so I’m sure I’m not alone. I sit in judgement as I watch, like a sloth (maybe eating Doritos), on the couch, talking to myself. Who in their right minds would sign up for this nightmare? Read More
"In the closet."
I have an impressive closet, if I do say so myself. It‘s been cultivated over twenty years in the fashion industry and clothes have always been an important part of my life. When I recall life-altering celebrations or catastrophes, I can tell you what I was wearing exactly – down to the shoe choice. Read More
"I hate to burst your bubble."
You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done
I sing that song in the shower – correction: it’s the only song I sing in the shower. I have a horrible singing voice, but will endlessly insist that I’m pitch-perfect on that ditty. That being said, I know the lyrics ramble in my head for another reason – aside from my love for Kenny Rogers. Read More
For as long as I can remember, I’ve suffered from insomnia. I was a child that was filled with worry about the state of our household and I would roam the halls to make sure my Mom had not taken off in the middle of the night. Read More
"Wouldn't It Be Nice."
During a recent conversation, our new intern seemed disappointed when I confided in her that I had never been intimate with a woman. “Really?”, she responded skeptically. “I thought you had?” Read More
For the past month, my sister has been asking me to go to London in June, with her and her family. (Something about her husband Nigel’s sister getting married.) As she asks each time, I automatically file the request under, “Other people travel. Read More
"Give me leggings or give me death."
After a while, I got real tired of Ryan saying, “I can’t stand to see you in yoga pants another day”. (After that scathing comment, he usually goes into specific structural details.) With a hand on his hip he would preach, "Why can’t you get some skinny jeans—with, like, pockets? Read More
During our staff meeting this week, I heard Lisa say “poor sweetie”, while talking to an employee who was stumbling over their wine terminology. We simultaneously looked at each other and immediately giggled. Read More
"The shower scene."
I’m in a new place, so a bit of mild paranoia is normal. There are new surroundings, neighbors and sounds – but I try to calm down and reassure myself that nothing bad is going to happen. “Don’t let fear get the best of you”, I say in my mind. “Now, go get in the shower!” After all, Psycho is just a movie. A great movie – but I’m a grown woman and there is nothing to be afraid of. Read More
"I move, therefore I am."
“Well, we're moving on up, to the east side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Moving on up, to the east side.
We finally got a piece of the pie.”
I’ve been humming that song in my head all week as I wrap, pack and throw away. Read More
"Blinded me with Science."
“I’m sorry what did you just say?”
“Oh, you have molecular degeneration”, my optometrist said.
“That sounds serious!”, was my retort.
“No, you’re just getting old”, he responded. Read More